Pain

I'm in pain.

And that's okay. I'll forget I said it's okay probably 10 minutes from now, but I'll just have to remind myself again, and that's okay. Pain doesn't stop me. I stop myself. Pain is just a reaction. Fear is the knife.

Lately, that fear has built up inside and outside of me. Fear of what's next, fear of what I'll read next, fear of what i'll makeup, fear of my thoughts, and fear of the world. I'm not alone in this. I see it around me, just in different words. The biggest fear I have is that I can't handle the pain.

I know now I don't have to. I'm learning to not run from the pain but lean into it, cry into it, love that it's happening. Any resistance, clinging, tensing only enhances or puts it back inside me. There's a lot of pain inside me I'm ready to let go of because it makes me judgmental, angry, and just plain old sad.

It's not all pain, of course. Following the pain are moments of bliss and clarity. When I walk around nature, I don't feel any pain radiating off the trees. I can sometimes tap into that stillness of nature, and just one moment can last me days knowing that stillness is that close to me. I know every day someone is born and people celebrate that, and every day someone succeeds.

Let's notice out pains, anger, fears, and judgments. Let's let them go. The process is unique to everyone, but let's start it today. Then forget tomorrow, and remember again. Let's be conscious of what we're putting out into the world every day. Are we looking for the next argument? The new thing to be afraid of? The imaginary conversation where we're the hero? Just because you might not participate in the discussion, mental participation almost as damaging I've found. Reading, imagining what you'd say next. Judgmental thoughts. Pain.

From my readings and experiences, I've seen that followed by pain are bliss and clarity, and that's been true throughout history. There's dark ages, golden ages, and they all end and begin. The dark times drive the golden times.

We've forgotten the gold, and that's okay, but now let's start remembering the gold all around us. I'll remind you, now remind me?